God Speaks Through The Fear And Anger…
When I was approximately 5 years old I began going to church on Sunday mornings of my own accord. I would get up, walk to church, which was four blocks away, and sit in attendance. I believed then, and most certainly believe today, that Jesus Christ was calling me. The home I lived in was filled with fear, anger and hostility. My dad was violent towards my mom and, occasionally towards me and my two brothers, but primarily towards my mom.
These visits to the Southern Baptist Church, short lived as it was, had a very profound affect on my life. On Sunday morning I would get up, dress myself and walk to church. After this happened a few times I remember watching the church bus pull up in front of the house and, for whatever reason, I didn’t get on. The bus simply pulled away and I never went back. The bus showed up after me walking to church maybe 3-4 times. It is burned into my being. I couldn’t make this memory go away even if I wanted to.
My dad had just permanently left the home. My mom was tired of being a punching bag and had the police remove him from the house. I believe my PawPaw threatened him as well – I don’t know that for sure but it wouldn’t surprise me.
This event has been part of my life since it happened. I have reviewed on a number of occasions and the parts I remember clearest have to do with the baptismal pool and a couple greeting me after service.
The preacher entered the pool from the left and person being baptized entered from the right. Both wore pure white robes unlike anything I had seen before or since. It was breathtaking. The scene with the choir, the pulpit and all the humble, yet elegant, trimmings made for a picture that has never left me. The couple sat on each side of me to ask about my parents and that type of thing. Today they would have called the police and had my mom arrested for neglect. They drove me home and that was that.
God, in the name of Jesus Christ, was speaking to me through all the fear and anger that filled our house. Jesus was calling me and it would be wonderful to know why. I have ask on a number of occasions and He has remained tight lipped on this subject.