WHAT’S THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF SELF-LOVE? by Caleb Wait for Core Christianity
“Remember to love yourself.” That’s what my barista wrote on the side of my coffee early on a Tuesday morning. I read it and squinted at the slogan in disapproval. Not only because I still had sleep in my eyes, but also because I found the catch-phrase nauseating. I was in college at the time, beginning to learn the ABCs of theology, and it seemed to me this advice clearly underestimated how unworthy we sinners are of love. I can save face for others, sure, but I know everything I’ve done, every thought I’ve had. I know how easy it is to be embittered toward God and neighbor instead of loving them. So how can I love myself?
But should Christians be so averse to this concept of loving oneself?
Before we condemn or try to redeem this mantra, we should acknowledge a few things about the idea of self-love.
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How Does the World Talk About Self-Love?
Whether you’ve encountered the slogan in a movie or book, or have received the unsolicited advice of social media influencers, chances are you’ve been told that loving yourself is something you should do. But there isn’t a concrete definition for what it means to love yourself. It’s defined and used in a variety of ways.
In pop-culture, the expression is often used to encourage people to accept themselves as they are. To embrace where they are in life without criticism. If you’re self-conscious about your body, love yourself works to help you accept and embrace how you look. For others, loving yourself means to let go and stop worrying about mistakes made in the past, to be proud of all that you’ve accomplished when no one else recognizes your victories. The voices of criticism and shame are loud—in the world and in our own heads—and this expression seems to offer the antidote.
Love yourself can also be shorthand for assuaging a troubled conscience. In this sense, the expression can be used as a way of living in denial. We can either work on areas of struggle or continue neglecting them in the name of self-acceptance. Sometimes, then, the internal stress we feel is because we know we can do better—we know we need to reconcile with that person, we know we spend too much time scrolling through social media, we know we can more easily sit in self-pity instead of doing something proactive.
As Christians, we should acknowledge the reality of our circumstances and the real world we live in: We make mistakes, we sin, we have regrets, we hurt and have been hurt by other people. It’s not self-betrayal to acknowledge those things and try to change.
