ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AND THE BIBLE: STEP THREE BROUGHT ME FACE TO FACE WITH THE LIVING GOD OF THE UNIVERSE by Geoffrey Grider for Now The End Begins
Penetrating through the haze was a nagging question that began to form in my mind. My brother was dead, I knew that. But where was he now? Did he, as my dad believed, just cease to exist? Or was he, as my mom believed, in purgatory burning off his sins? Was he somewhere in the Universe awaiting reincarnation? I couldn’t come up with an answer. So I went on a quest to find God.
Unstoppable tears began to flow, tears that wouldn’t dry up for a number of years later. I really don’t recall much after that.
This is the first installment of a new series on a topic that the Lord has put on my heart to write about. I want to talk about my own personal, real-life experiences with and in Alcoholics Anonymous, in the hopes that it will minister to someone who is still out there suffering and wants to come in from the cold, but doesn’t know how to get there. This is my twelfth step work.
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I would like to dedicate this first installment of what I hope to be many more, to my dear friend Kerry. Without whose help, this story may never have been written. Thank you for obeying the leading of the Holy Spirit.
AA and the Bible Part One: My Personal Testimony
Today is December 4, 2018, and I am writing this from St. Augustine, Florida. But my journey began exactly 30 years ago with a phone call that still sends a chill down my spine all these years later. In 1988, I was living the dream in Hollywood, California, and had broken into the acting business while working as a waiter. I know, right? But that’s how it happened.
So on this particular day in December, I had just finished shooting an industrial commercial for the newly-constructed Universal Studios that was about to open in Florida. I worked on it with Michael J. Fox, and was so excited. I was getting larger and larger parts as I progressed in the business, and I was sensing that my ‘big break’ was right around the corner. (It was, just not the kind I was expecting, but what I absolutely needed). After we wrapped, I went home so I could call my mom and share the good news with her. My mom was my biggest fan, and she really support my acting career.
I walk through the door and headed for the phone. I picked it up to make the call, but noticed that the message light was blinking. I hit the button to listen to the message, and in 15 seconds, my whole world collapsed.
“YOUR BROTHER ROB JUST DIED. THERE IS A TICKET WAITING FOR YOU AT THE AIRPORT. COME HOME IMMEDIATELY”.
He had been sick for the past 18 months with AIDS, his death was only a matter of time. I knew that, we all knew that. It hit me flush in the face like the front end of a semi at full speed anyway. He was my brother. He was my best friend. He was the most amazing person I have ever known. He was gone. If you’ll look at the top photo of this article, that’s how I remember him.
Unstoppable tears began to flow, tears that wouldn’t dry up for a number of years later. I really don’t recall much after that. I flew home, got drunk and stayed drunk. Had plenty of company to do that with. Went to the funeral and cried some more. Searing pain that only seemed to get stronger. A foggy haze settled in.
But penetrating through the haze was a nagging question that began to form in my mind. My brother was dead, I knew that. But where was he now? Did he, as my dad believed, just cease to exist? Or was he, as my mom believed, in purgatory burning off his sins? Was he somewhere in the Universe awaiting reincarnation? I couldn’t come up with an answer.
MY FOUR BROTHERS AND I WERE ALL RAISED ROMAN CATHOLIC, BUT I HAD BEEN THE ONLY ONE TO ATTEND CATHOLIC SCHOOL FOR ALL 12 YEARS. ON TOP OF THAT, I HAD BEEN AN ALTAR BOY FOR A FEW YEARS AS WELL. I WILL GO TO MY OLD PRIEST AND ASK HIM, I THOUGHT. HE SHOULD HAVE THE ANSWERS. WEREN’T WE ALWAYS TAUGHT IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL THAT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH WAS THE ‘ONE TRUE CHURCH’? IT SEEMED LIKE A NO-BRAINER, AND OFF I WENT.
Long story short, my old boyhood priest, Father Mike, looked at me quite sympathetically when I laid my burden down on him. He was kind and compassionate, and really wanted to help ease the suffering I was going through about the death of my brother. But when push came to shove, he could not say with any certainty where my brother was. You see, Catholic doctrine does not presume to know if a person is saved, and can only guess based on Catholic sacraments, the Virgin Mary’s intercession, and so on.
As a lifelong Catholic, this came as a little bit of a shock for me. Kinda like when you first realized that Santa Claus was not real, it was a pretty big letdown. The Catholic Church had talked such a big game, and now that I really needed answers they didn’t have any. But now what?
