THE 5TH COMMANDMENT IS FOR ADULTS TOO by Jen Wilkin for Core Christianity
An Obligation to Honor
Though parents may quote it to small children, the primary audience of the fifth command is adult children. It is found in the middle of a list of commands clearly addressed to adults, targeting issues that are, developmentally speaking, primarily the concerns of adulthood. Small children, though certainly sinners, do not generally carve graven images, plot murderous acts, or bear credible false witness against a neighbor. Note the clue to the audience in the blessing that accompanies the command: longevity of life. We might paraphrase the fifth commandment as “Adult children, honor your aging parents whose days have been long upon the land, that your days might be long as well.”
The command bears weight on the entire length of our relationship with our parents–not just the days we lived as children in their homes. It speaks to our obligation to honor them into old age, as elaborated in Proverbs 23:22: “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
As we noted at the outset, God’s laws allow us to live in community. It is good for the community when children honor their parents by caring for them and treating them respectfully into their old age. But it is not always easy. If it were, there would only be nine commandments. Those of us who are blessed with healthy and happy relationships with our parents can still find it difficult to trade the role of cared-for for that of caregiver.
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Aging is, among other things, the steady progression of relinquishing one’s decision-making authority. It requires deep courage, and can cause strain in even the healthiest families, as the dignity of the aging parent becomes more challenging to preserve. Under the best of circumstances, the fifth word can ask much of us.
And under hard circumstances, it can feel absolutely crushing. Those who have suffered physical, emotional, or spiritual neglect or abuse at the hands of a parent may feel at a loss as to how its requirements can (or should) be met. Here, as in all things, there is good news for those with ears to hear: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Ps. 27:10 NIV).
