HOW DO YOU HEAR? by Christina Fox for Core Christianity
Many years ago, when I was in graduate school, we learned techniques to help couples improve their communication with one another.
One communication method engaged the whole body. We received canvas mats that each listener stood on. As they talked with each other, the partners moved to stand on various sections of the mat which reminded them of the parts of reflective listening. When one person talked, the other person stood on the part of the mat which reminded them to remain silent and listen to the other person speak. When it was their turn to talk, they then stood on a part of the mat that reminded them to summarize what they heard the other person say.
My husband found humor in the use of the mats. Anytime we had a disagreement thereafter, he’d smile and say, “I think you should get the mats out.”
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We love helping others and believe that’s one of the reasons we are chosen as Ambassadors of the Kingdom, to serve God’s children. We look to the Greatest Commandment as our Powering force.
Listening is an essential ingredient to effective communication. We’ve all had an experience with someone who may have heard what we said but wasn’t truly listening. They may have immediately responded with a well-crafted argument they constructed in their head the entire time we spoke. They may have responded by ignoring our concerns and voicing theirs instead. They may have interrupted us before we even had the chance to finish talking.
In effective communication, there’s an expectation that we need to prove in some way that we were in fact listening. This is the concept behind the reflective listening skills marriage counselors teach couples to use.
The Importance of Hearing
The Bible talks a lot about hearing and listening. It likens those who have spiritual life to those who hear. “Son of man, you dwell in the midst of a rebellious house, who have eyes to see, but see not, who have ears to hear, but hear not, for they are a rebellious house” (Ez. 12:2). “This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand” (Matt. 13:13).
In Luke 8, Jesus tells a few parables, many of which involve listening. The first is the Parable of the Sower, where the sower scatters seed which falls into different conditions. Some seed is trampled underfoot, and the birds devour it (v.5). Other seed falls onto rock and withers away (v.6). Some is choked by thorns (v. 7). But other seed falls into good soil and grows a great harvest. Jesus finishes the parable with, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear” (8:8).
