Pushing Through…

Pushing Through…

Acting “as if” doesn’t always work. On those days when our world seems out of balance, or the enemy seems to be larger than he is, we must act “as if” we are still loved by our Father and filled with the Holy Spirit and living under the grace of Christ Jesus. When we do this, act “as if”, we find the road smoothes, the wind slows down and the storms rage quiets, even if it’s just a moment or disappears altogether.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

This past Sunday my wife and I attended the musical “Matilda”. If you’ve not seen it we would highly recommend it to anyone, especially those with small children. It is a great story. I was already reeling from an ongoing attack by the enemy and my mind had been swimming in a cesspool of garbage when we sat down in the theatre. The story hit me like a freight train and there were times when I thought I was going to come unglued at the seams. The raw degradation of my childhood, my youth and young adulthood were like open wounds with salt, rubbing alcohol and chili pepper being poured into them. Tears streaming down my face for most of the performance. At one point I actually considered leaving the theatre to scream in pain.

I understand that I do not have to live like this, however, the scars that are being exposed are more than I had ever imagined. Seventeen years ago when I did my first 4th Step inventory, 5th Step sharing with God and another human being and 6th Step completely ready to accept God and hand it all over – I thought it was finished, the cleansing of my soul complete and God and my sponsor now carried some, if not all, of the weight. This past weekend I find out nothing could be further from the truth. I’m not sure how to give it to God. It is not uncommon for me, during prayer time, to ask out loud for God to remove this trash from my soul. I don’t know what else to do except keep pushing through, acting “as if”, until I find the appropriate way to leave it all at the feet of Jesus Christ. Please pray for me.

II Corinthians 10 NKJV

1 Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ— who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you.
2 But I beg you that when I am present I may not be bold with that confidence by which I intend to be bold against some, who think of us as if we walked according to the flesh.
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.