‘What Kind of Christian Are You?’ and Other Questions for Online Dating from Christianity Today
Dating is very, very hard. But these 6 questions make it easier.
Black dress, tights, boots, green sweater, gold necklace.
Staring in the mirror an hour before I leave for the coffee shop, the rhythm of reusing a first-date outfit soothes some of my fraying nerves. Despite feeling frustrated and lonely, I rally again to see if this is the person who inspires me to delete my dating apps.
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Dating is hard. Dating as a Christian is very hard. But dating as a Christian in a pandemic feels impossible.
I arrive 12 minutes early, enough time to take a few deep breaths, put on some chapstick, and set my phone to vibrate. Within a few minutes, I am joined by David (6’, well dressed, seminary student with kind eyes).
“So, what kind of Christian are you?” he asks as we wait for two coffees.
I know what he means. The “Christian” filter on apps like Bumble and Hinge isn’t accurate enough to produce matches with genuine compatibility. In 2022, Christian doesn’t hold the same insurance of shared values and priorities it once did.
I began online dating when I was 19, a decade ago now. Things were simpler then, or maybe I was more naive. While I’m drawn to larger platforms that promise more matches, I’ve always felt like if I met one person who shared my faith and feelings of attraction, we could make it work.
Then I found that person. And we dated for a long time–and it wasn’t enough. Ticking the boxes of believing in God and Jesus and salvation was a great start, but it wasn’t enough to sustain us through real-world application of our faith. What does being a Christian mean when you have a Black Lives Matter versus Blue Lives Matter match, a pro-life versus anti-abortion match, an attend every Sunday versus reevaluating church match?
So I found myself back on the dating apps trying to pinpoint what I didn’t ask. What questions when coupled with shared faith would help ensure success? Here’s what I came up with:
