Conflict Isn’t Always Bad by TONY MERIDA for The Gospel Coalition
When the COVID-19 crisis hit, it caused a mixed reaction in relationships. Added time together has helped some people and strengthened some marriages. But others found close relationships more difficult. I’ve heard of several reports of increased quarreling, fighting, abuse, and separation/divorce. And I’m afraid we’ve only seen the beginning of many relational problems connected to the pandemic. Additionally, we’re also living in a time in which people are rightly calling for reform regarding racial equality and justice. Protests have erupted, and more conflicts have ensued.
I take no delight in conflict. Like many others, I prefer peace, unity, and harmony in my relationships. But due to the fallenness of this world, conflict is inevitable (Gen. 3–4).
But this doesn’t mean we’re hopeless. All conflicts don’t have to end in division, rage, or murder. They can lead to positive change. In a day when many are broken by these contemporary conflicts, we need to lift our heads and realize conflict isn’t always a bad thing.
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Conflicts = Opportunities
Conflicts are actually opportunities. That doesn’t mean the desired end always happens, but conflicts do give us opportunities to grow and change. This is true for roommates, families, neighbors, churches, institutions, cities, and nations.
The problem comes when we waste our conflicts.
You waste your opportunity to change when you choose to avoid or attack. These flight or fight responses must be rejected; instead, we must seek to work through the issue in order to experience true peace and flourishing.
This isn’t easy. You’ll have to face the issue (or person) head on—and that might entail some “awkward conversations.” It’ll involve you examining your own heart first before pointing out the other’s faults. It’ll involve honesty, confession, repentance, and practical changes moving forward. This takes a lot of emotional energy. It requires living out the fruit of the Spirit and not fulfilling the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). But it’s worth it. This act of love is for our good, for the other person’s good, and for God’s glory. So while we shouldn’t look for or create conflict, we should see the opportunity to mature in our faith.
