Sixty Days of Darkness…

Sixty Days of Darkness…

Tuesday October 8, 2002 was a day that everything changed. It was somehow a happy time or so it seemed. The meeting began at 8:00pm and as people began to share their experience it seemed like others should know there was newbie amongst them. Hand raised, smiling and announcing there was yet another afflicted with alcoholism. Everyone turned to see the giant smile as they, too, were smiling. We were smiling for very different reasons, but that wouldn’t be revealed for some time in the future.

It seemed appropriate, since announcing to the world, that I did in fact recognize the problem that a celebration was in order. That’s not exactly how it works, but what the heck, it’s time to drink as I now understand, and recognize, that I am powerless and I am an alcoholic!! Let’s get it on!

The next sixty days were as dark and foreboding as the previous twenty-five years combined. Knowing your an alcoholic, attending meetings and being unable to stop drinking causes a lot of problems in itself. The guilt, fear and self-loathing are an extremely heavy burden to carry. All toll there would be seven times a 24 hour chip would be laid in my hand. Being that far removed from God is no place to be. Being that deeply enslaved by the enemy is the exact wrong place for anyone. The picture of suicide is understandable as the attempt to coverup the guilt with drinking while understanding there is a severe problem is like carrying a semi-tractor trailer on your back and then you throw in the weight of fear and self loathing and suicide becomes a viable option. It doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be.

It seems that God didn’t want that to happen as these words you are reading can attest. If this is you pick up the phone and call someone, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), and tell them what’s going on.

Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? Isiah 53:1

Having been in the clutches of the enemy and having been introduced to the Lord it was only by grace and the mercy of our Lord the madness stopped. The dream He placed on my heart Saturday December 7, 2002, was absolutely terrifying in all its soul crushing vision. It is, to this day and will be forevermore, the most beautiful vision of my life. While my soul was torn from head to toe and thrashed against the rocks, Jesus Christ was waiting on a log, coffee brewing over an open fire and a loving Light that only He can shine. At that moment He breathed life back into this rotting carcass. It is the vision of our Lord that I carry to this day.

The image Isiah paints in the 53rd chapter, NKJV, is as clear today as the darkness was of those sixty days. I believe the report and beg mercy for the arm of our Lord and Savior to be revealed.

2 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
3 He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
4 Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
9 And they made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand.
11 He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify
many.
For He shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.